dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
