i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I understand Curling. That high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need to get me chipped asap
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
