i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
