Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont even know how to be here
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
