God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
