Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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