Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
