it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
