i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
