he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
