The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
