Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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