...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
