i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
