The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
