Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
