where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
