Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
