paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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