you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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