Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
