Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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