Just fell off a train. Bad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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