There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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