Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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