Ambien. No doubt about it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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