C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
