i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
