My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
