Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
