Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
