I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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