why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
