I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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