3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The best revenge is premature balding
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
