and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
