just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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