my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
