I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
