so that wasnt chicken after all
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
