Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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