My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
