I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
