sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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