I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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