the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
