don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
