How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
