he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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