We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
